I have never been the one to like Sundays. I will blame it on being a morning person. Sundays mean sleeping in, having a huge breakfast and relaxing. I doubt that I know how to relax…at least for most of the time. I get up early, get going with my plans for the day. Not that I require a fully planned day but just because if I am not constantly busy, I just do not know what to do. I hope some of you relate… or else I am a freak (I don’t really mind).
Lately, my daily flow has been a little hard on me (It’s been interrupted…Do you think I have OCD?). Life happens. Lately, it has been hard on the people around me. I have found myself in the ER, being woken up at 3 a.m., when one of the closest people to me was scared as anything. My papa went through a small surgery. I do not know if I perfectly did what a daughter should do. Clearly, I do not do well with these situations. I am reminded of how fragile life is. Am I being supportive enough, Am I doing what am I supposed to? What do you do in these situations?
I lost my grandfather last year. I could not physically attend the funeral. Please, no pity. I hate myself for it and that is okay too. I do not like to be reminded of death. I am just feeling tense today, let me see if pouring it out on a word document will help.
People, people… I have seen people being reckless. I have seen them being impolite. It would no bother me if they weren’t people that are close to me, that I value their presence or I simply respect them due to their age. Reckless. Shouldn’t I be reckless? A big chunk of my life, I kept moving around—countries. Meeting people, transforming these people into friends, still looking back and trying to balance it out with the old friends, trying to please friends, trying to pull the two-sided strings together from where I am and where I was.
Effort. This a key to worthy connection to me. People do bad to you. Sometimes you do bad to people. Sometimes you are just angry, times you test people around you (My god, cannot tell you how wrong this is, it will literally DROWN you). Keep your thoughts. Okay right, effort. Like it or not, yes you have the right to give up, but you also need to push through, put the effort, see it for yourself. Waste a little of your heart’s effort, yes. A little is enough to see, then you give up.
My prescription for my irritation and dear-blown-mind. I refuse to physically or emotionally meet or value people if they are just directing me through their own way. You have no idea how hard I am trying to avoid writing up to someone and say, let’s hang out! Lame life coach mantra, get ready: ‘I am worthy and bla, bla.’ Let’s say I just like hanging out with myself and drink herbal tea for now. People will not be able to complete me unless they are worthy of my time, with very kind manner. I am not a professional doctor, so you write your own prescription.
Wherever life’s stress brings you, may you have a lovely Sunday.