Monthly Archives: February 2018



3 am: Woken up by external noises. 4 hours long “The Best of Classical Music” on YT. Headphones on because external noises are louder and more consistent. Steam is downloading “Civilization V” demo. Oops, it’s completed. I’ll be right back.

Legit 3 am: I was overexaggerating how late it was before. I am surprised my computer can run Sid Meier’s greatest treasure, considering it is a baby gaming computer. Well, thank you, computer Gods. Getting 15 mins into the game, I heard a familiar Turkish hymn melody in the background, ‘Come, see what love has done to me. Like the river rapids raging for eons, my worrisome heart wrecked on the rocky shore. Master’s away I’m withering. Come, see what Love has done to me’.

Future. Thinking about future is like thinking about God, death or thinking about the fact that I am traveling over 24 hours to an unknown place, all alone. Or I am 4 years old again, having to read a poem in front of the kindergarten parents. Not thinking about it, finding or pushing myself into it. Possibly freaking out the moment of, then, the prevalent feeling. All is gone, comes tranquility. I have done that very many times, so it is a familiar friend to me.



A piece of artwork that represents future to me. ARTECHOUSE, DC.


Making decisions have never been easy for me. Some people struggle to choose between an Oreo mint and strawberry cheesecake milkshake, but they can make life-changing decisions very easily. Some people do it the other way. I genuinely struggle if I think. So, I don’t.

I have been putting it away and up the shelf lately, so I don’t reach it, and I can’t think it. I have also been eating sugary wonderful treats because I am a stress eater. No big news here.

Growing up, I was told not to ask so many questions about creation, or the creator, because it would lead me to a rabbit hole. It would be a mind trap. I just needed to believe without a subsistent reason. I think that is how the future should be too. At least, for me.

I do not know the way, don’t know where it will take me, don’t know how it will get me there, don’t know who will be there with me at the end of the road, don’t know how to plan it because there is no plan.

Re-reading the above is overwhelming… I praise living your life to the fullest, but when you have everything, how narrow can you squish your future into a lens that will be fulfilling?

How to Succeed in the Real World


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Freaky stairs. Dupont Circle Station.


Let’s quickly go through what is happening right now. It is 5 a.m. in the morning, I am not a crazy person to be up at this hour, and my brain is working relatively slowly since I stared at the screen for 2 mins before opening a word document. I am fascinated by the fact that I could hear a train passing by the Union station. The noise of the wheels hitting the rails harshly, I enjoyed. Very similar to what my heart experiences. Hitting the rails pretty harshly… moving, hurting, learning.

Here are some tips for survival,

  • Stand with your own truths.

This is a big deal that I hope you do not have to find it the wrong way. When I was 18, I messed up quite a lot of times. Freshmen year at university, I messed up a million times. I figured it out on my own that other people’s truths do not have to be mine. They can make all the Goddamn decisions, I might judge a tiny bit, but I do not let it stick with me. Be in the moment, in the conference room, in the club, observe but keep generating your own thoughts. Be authentic, make a mess if it helps you learn, but find out your own way. Be the outsider, do not blend, make it colorful.

  • Stretch

While having your own beautiful ideas, it is important to not be so uptight. It is hard for me to change my ideas about things I truly believe in. But there are people out there that are convincing. That is why it is important to get up and stretch it out. Go beyond your own boundaries, I am not saying do things because other people want you to. Make yourself uncomfortable for the sake of learning, I swear it’s great. Live a little. Explore other ideas but keep your own.

  • Take the suit to the dry cleaner.

Or in Kendrick Lamar’s words, be humble. Nobody likes a big nose up in the air, swaying side to side type of person. I am not saying you are worthless, I am simply saying that the world does not revolve around you. Once you realize that, things get a lot easier. I walk to work every day seeing homeless people laying under thin blankets, trying to keep warm.  I try to ask the security lady in my building how her day was. And, I occasionally take suits to dry cleaning. I cannot say I don’t enjoy getting out of the office for a little while for the way.

  • Think fast, move slow.

Whether it’s the love and hate relationship between you and proofreading or trying to catch the later bus because you are early to work every day (I might be a unique case study for this one), or basically strategic/corporate/business/work related -boring- daily routines… things move slowly sometimes, even if you do not want them to be. Give it time, give it thought, it will not happen in the blink of an eye, but I swear things happen pretty quickly if you stop thinking about them.

  • Know when people do not ask for your advice.

Oh man, I talk too much. If people do not ask for advice, do not give them advice. Quite frankly, they are not asking for it because they just don’t care. Don’t waste your breath on people who are not worth it. They’ll need to go back to step two and stretch before they can hear you. Pro-tip: If you like them enough, be the leaning shoulder and listen. They might be able to find their own way.

Me? I made it to 6.45 am so, I’ll head to work soon. I might need some coffee to get through the day, and I probably won’t be fine. But, you have a good morning for me, will you?



I hang out here when I am early to work. Dupont Fountain.